Of Sad and Dark Times…

Inspired by: “Selfless, Cold, and Composed” (1997), from the Ben Folds Five album Whatever and Ever Amen

Apparently it’s the week to be emo about stuff that happened back in 2008-2009 thanks to a song from a decade before that.

After yesterday’s post about affairs and whatnot, I went digging through the archives here looking for stuff that I had written related to the period between my divorce and my deployment, which I often feel is one of the lowest points of my life.

There is a short post on this blog – which I made private long ago for some reason – announcing that I was moving out of my condo after the divorce* and whatnot, but not a whole lot about the whole situation. I mentioned in this nonsense post that the divorce was the worst thing to ever happen to me, and at the time, I probably believed that. It was pretty traumatic, but more so for the aftermath of everything that happened in the months following that had led me to move out of the condo that was in my name alone.

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That Girl from Connecticut

Inspired by: “Kylie from Connecticut” (2008) from the Ben Folds’ album Way to Normal

The other two posts so far this week were at least partially devoted to Connecticut, so it makes sense that this one would be too.

The song itself is about a wife finding out about an affair that her husband is having, with a note stating that “Kylie from Connecticut” called and confirming her suspicions. It all triggers memories to earlier in the marriage, and a “man she hadn’t seen since the children were small.” It’s about growing apart but not really realizing it in the moment and instead taking the path of least resistance to keep the peace in a long marriage.

My first marriage didn’t last 35 years. It didn’t even last 35 months. And it wasn’t an affair that ended it, though my affair after we decided to get divorced but before we actually did probably ended any chance of saving it, permanently damaging a relationship that we thought would endure even after we went our separate ways.

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Don’t Change Your Plans

Inspired by: “Don’t Change Your Plans” (1999) from the Ben Folds Five album The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner

I’m sensing a theme in this week’s song already, and it’s only Tuesday.

“Don’t Change Your Plans” features our narrator letting someone go to chase their plans in Los Angeles, since his heart tells him to remain in the Northeast somewhere:

Don’t change your plans for me
I won’t move to LA
The leaves are falling back east
That’s where I’m going to stay
“Don’t Change Your Plans” by Ben Folds

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I Was Never Cool in School…

Inspired by: “Underground” (1995) from the Ben Folds Five album Ben Folds Five

This song reminds me of high school, or more specifically, thinking about high school on the verge of my ten year high school reunion a while ago. It’s the song’s opening lines:

I was never cool in school
I’m sure you don’t remember me
And now it’s been 10 years
I’m still wondering who to be
But I’d love to mix in circles, cliques, and social coteries, that’s me
Hand me my nose ring (Can we be happy?)
Show me the mosh pit (Can we be happy?)
We can be happy underground
“Underground,” written by Ben Folds

Aside from the nose ring*, I feel like this describes high school me pretty well. A mostly unforgettable existence where I was fairly known among the various social groups hung out with but not known to the wider population of the school. Part of this was due to being one of 2,000 kids or so in the school, and among the 700 or so kids in my graduating class, but also because I just didn’t care about being popular. For that reason, I kind of hated high school (in retrospect) and fled Utah because I didn’t want to simply be a “townie” that followed everyone to the University of Utah or whatever.

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