So, I am having a dilemma lately. Not a really big one, but one nonetheless. Lately, I have become bored with everything that is my life. Nothing that I used to do excites me anymore. These things include:
1) Reading – I have a book that is for all intents and purposes very interesting, but I cannot find the motivation to actually pick it up again and read
2) Running – While it has been some time since I actually enjoyed running, I would like to get back to that point sometime soon, but even on decent mornings I struggle to get out of bed, which leads me to…
3) Sleeping – I enjoy sleep. A little bit too much sometimes, but I find it hard to go to sleep at night. I will get tired around 10:30 or so, but can’t make myself go to bed. I find other things to occupy my time instead of sleep, like…
4) Video games – I’ll admit; I play video games, but lately I don’t find I get the same enjoyment out of them. They have become extremely boring sometimes, but it is something to do.
I think this general malaise I am feeling lately has to do with my home life. Not to say that it is unhappy, or sad, or anything like that, but it is just…nothing. I come home, eat dinner, and separate ourselves to our respective rooms around 8 or so and just do our thing. It is getting extremely old rather quickly, though it did and has defined our relationship for nearly seven years.
So I need to do something to change this feeling. I have a few options, but none of them are anything that can happen too quickly. There are smaller things that I can probably do as short-term fixes, but what happens when the short-term is over? So here are the possible solutions, solutions that probably cannot happen before January or so:
a) Move back to Utah – as appealing as this feels sometimes, other days it just seems like I would be taking a seven-year step back
b) Deploy, Army-style – again, this is a solution that has its days and moments, but it is not with a particularly good unit and I don’t know if I can see myself working for those in charge, though I could probably come back and not be so broke-ass and be able to…
c) Go to OCS and go active duty – if I wanted to do this, I would have some work to do seeing as I have to lose around 80 pounds or so and get in better shape overall, but this is one thing that does not seem like a horrible idea, even if I only did the active duty thing for the three year minimum. This too would help with money issues, and I would definitely get away from everything here, but at what cost? That’s why…
d) Take a civilian job in Japan/Kuwait/Korea – sounds appealing. These would be temporary jobs for around 12 months or so, and I would come back with experience at a higher pay grade and have different possibilities open to me. Then again, there is…
e) Go back to school – I really feel like I have this calling to teach, whether it is in high school or college, but it is not something that I can afford to do here, at least not in my current financial state. That’s why a-d seem more doable and why e gets left off the list. I did apply to the U for a second bachelor’s degree, but to go there, I would obviously have to move back to Utah, and I am back to a.
What to do, what to do…
And this doesn’t even factor in my trials and tribulations with the opposite sex right now. With all these other things to worry about, I don’t have time for them, which is unfortunate, since I do like boobies.
I guess there will always be time for that later, when I am svelte and sexy at around 220 pounds and when I can wear normal people clothes again that don’t make me look huge and bloated.
Until then, maybe I will:
1) Get that gym membership, if only to give myself something to do after work a few nights a week.
2) Take some community education stuff of debt management and budgeting, maybe a Spanish class or two
3) Find more people to spend time with and branch out in my social network.
Who knows what they future holds?