Why co-workers and the office environment suck

This is purely an opinion piece and not based on scientific facts or anything, but here goes:

It’s easy to trace this dilemma to two things: humankind’s natural tendency to be hunter/gatherers and society’s general apathy towards work. The first is something that has developed since the beginning of time, when man first stood erect and decided that he was hungry. Without anything else to assuage this hunger, man decided to find some way to fill this need. He had a mouth, but all it did was make noise. He had fingers, but all they did was scratch things. So the first upright man, we’ll call him “Steve,” was walking along one day, rubbing his belly and trying to figure out why it hurt so bad. Since he wasn’t paying attention, he tripped over a rock and into his mouth went some dirt. He accidentally swallowed this dirt, and his stomach did not hurt nearly as bad. Thus began Steve’s quest to find something else to fill his belly. He tried more dirt, but eventually grew tired of its grainy feel. He ate leaves and twigs, but couldn’t stand the taste. He happened upon berries; some tasted good but made him sick, and others tasted good and didn’t make him sick. He stuck with the ones that didn’t make him sick. To make a long story short, eventually he gathered all of the berries and there were no more. He shared them with the other people who began to walk upright, but, being human, they wanted more, and with the discovery of fire by Steve’s neighbor Joe, other options became available. Berry Soup wasn’t good all the time, so Steve set out to look for different foods. While on his journey, he witnessed a Saber-tooth Tiger eating the remains of some Wooly Mammoth. Steve thought to himself “ugh ugh ugh ugh,” which roughly translated means “I bet I could eat that part, too.” So Steve enlisted the help of his neighbors Joe, Ed, and Donna (she was very manly, but that is a tale for different times), and they went off to slay a mammoth. Yada, yada, yada…they became hunters. So, after this long-winded story that you probably just skimmed, Boo Boo Kitty Fuck! Just seeing if you were paying attention. This history makes it difficult for humankind to want to work in an office environment, mainly because we want to be out hunting and gathering. So that means that only certain occupations lead to enjoyable “work”: farming, winemaking, and being Ted Nugent. Everything else sucks ass.

Number two reason that working in an office sucks is work itself. There are too many distractions from work to keep us at work. It could be a nice day outside, or you want to take a nap, or you hate the people you work with. Work just isn’t enjoyable for 98f the working popualtion. If anyone out there actually likes their job, they really don’t like it per se. The like the idea of it and bringing home a paycheck and not being poor. As I mentioned before, the only people who truly find happiness in their every daily work are farmers, winemakers, and Ted Nugent. Sure you may like what you do, but isn’t there always something else you would rather be doing every second you are at work? Be honest…thought so. In this consumer-based society, money is the root of everything. If you have none, you are a failure, and if you have some, you want more. Until you acquire every single cent that is left in the world, you will continue to want more and hate your job more. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are happy making X dollars per year, or that going into business for yourself will make it better. The simple solution:

WE SHOULD ALL HAVE CREDITS!

Thank you, and until next time…

P.S. Ask me what credits are. I dare you…